Friday, July 07, 2006

Nice day? FUCK YOU

When I got up this morning, I turned on the weather channel, and was told that the Maritimes were going to have a nice weekend. Fuck you, weather channel. While I was driving, a caller to the radio program that I was listening to lamented the fact that she had to work all weekend, and the fellow that she was speaking to said "Yeah, that's a shame-- it's going to be a real nice weekend." Fuck you too. As I was riding the elevator up to my floor, one of the two ladies that I was sharing the elevator with said to other "Nice day today," to which the other replied "Yeah, isn't it great?" To quote Captain Kirk: DOUBLE fuck you. No, it's not fucking great. It's fucking HOT. It's been too fucking hot all week, it's going to be too fucking hot all weekend, and if the weather channel is right, it's going to be too fucking hot for the rest of this God-forsaken month. It's hot, it's humid, and it's miserable. This weather is awful, and it boggles my mind that noone else seems to think so.

I hate summer. I fucking hate it; I fucking hate it; I fucking hate it. And I hate hearing about how crazy I am for hating summer. I'm not allowed to say something like "it's too damn hot" without getting something along the lines of "Oh, that's just crazy old man Bramble-- Ha Ha Ha." FUCK YOU. All I ever hear is how weird I am for not liking hot weather. Well, you know what? I've decided that I'm not weird-- everyone else is (FYI, I'm well aware what the definition of "weird" is, so you needn't point out the lunacy of the previous statement, of which I am already well aware). Why in God's name have we, as a society, decided that hot weather is "nice"? Who decided that weather in which we have to wear tinted glass over our eyes to see and coat ourselves in a special cream to avoid COOKING and getting CANCER is "nice"? You know what's nice? Room temperature. That's why it's called room temperature. It is the agreed-upon (although, incidentally, not firmly agreed upon, generally falling in the range of 21-23 degrees Celsius) natural temperature for a room to have, at which any item or event inside the room should not be unduly influenced, positively or negatively, by the temperature.

But, oh no, that's not good enough for everyone. They're not happy until it's so hot that the government has to issue warnings that seniors may die just sitting in their own homes. I often wonder at what point "hot" stops meaning "nice". Can we have a "nice" balmy 45 degree Celsius day? I'm sure some people wouldn't bat an eyelash. I'm half convinced that, at some point, the two words simply became synonymous, and everyone ceased actually thinking about whether or not the weather was actually nice. It's to the point now where I similarly just automatically switch the values of the words nice and bad, as they relate to weather, before they even reach my brain. I think it's a defense mechanism to keep me from going fucking insane after, for instance, nodding politely to the fifth fucking person who's mentioned how nice it is/is going to be today/this weekend, and it's not even 10 o'clock yet. It's going to be a long day. A long, HOT day.

Surely I can't be the only person who thinks this way? I'll admit that I'm an oddball, and I've taken some very lonely stances on issues before, but I've never met even one other person who feels the same way as I do about this. Maybe there's societal pressure to agree that hot is nice? Actually, there's no maybe-- there's definitely societal pressure to agree that hot is nice, which is the only reason that I haven't sent five people out of my office crying before 10 o'clock. So, I guess the more important question is whether or not that pressure is so significant that people would refuse to admit that they think it's too hot, even when I begin by saying that I think so. I don't know. What I do know is that it's too fucking hot, which makes me miserable, and I get more and more miserable as more and more people quip some variation on "nice day". But I just smile and nod and agree, suppressing that misery, and suppressing the urge to say what I really want to say: FUCK YOU.


Anonymous Kim said...

Isn't it a lovely day out? :P Actually a temperature in the low to mid twenties is about perfect for me. I too find it starting to get sticky above 30 C. That being said, I will be cranky if it's 25 and cloudy. I completely require the sun to go along with the temperature. It's a much more important deciding factor. I don't necessarily deal with any temperature extremes very well (as those of you who have seen my reactions on New Year's eve know) but I find them much easier to deal with if it's sunny. That being said I greatly prefer heat to cold. I think I was destined to be born in the Bahamas but there was some sort of mixup.

Friday, July 07, 2006 2:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Vern said...

Hot has little to do with burning in the sun. I burn in the winter. I burn on cloudy days. My worst burn time is usually spring when it's just warm enough to wear a short sleeved shirt outside and of course I don't think of sunscreen.

As far as it being nice, it being sunny is nice, especially since the humidity usually drops down some. But if I DO burn anything more than my face, I feel sick. If it's a bad burn, its like I've got the flu the next day. Sometimes even when I haven't burned but just spent too much time in the sun. But I don't like cloudy. Mosquitos like cloudy.

You're just living in a part of the world where the heat rarely becomes an issue.

Kinda odd, I used to hate the heat too. I remember one summer when half of it I had headaches from the weather. (Of course, I'd still have considered what was hot as much higher temperature than you do.) But alas southern ontario temperatures have gotten to me, and I'm glad it's not so friggin' cold now. Today was AWESOME weather. I was outside for around 4 hours, and enjoyed every minute of it. And then I went inside and got cold :-(

Friday, July 07, 2006 6:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Travis said...

Heat is evil. Heat+humidity and I'm dead. Give me a nice 15-21C, maybe a little cloudy and I'll be happy. If it's sunny and the temperature is high I better have a pool or a very cold room.

Saturday, July 08, 2006 2:15:00 AM  
Blogger Jordan said...

Amen, brother! Testify!

Saturday, July 08, 2006 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger Jody McIntyre said...

It's Jody, Dar's woman. Just wanted to say that I couldn't agree with you more. I hate the heat and much prefer a rainy day. Hell, already I can't wait for winter. Saint John's weather is so much better!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 5:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Typically I would agree with you Jordan. It's the humidity that really gets me after a while. Last night I was jamming with some friends and there was a puddle on my guitar where my arm was resting and my hair was soaked with sweat.

It's certainly stifling. But you know, I'm getting more and more used to it. I work in a hot office, I sleep in a hot house, I go biking in the heat, I go for walks in the heat. I'm starting to get acclimatized (sp?). It's only 11am and it's already 30 with the humidity. I'm going outside in an hour to play frisbee. It's going to be great. If everyone else is sticky and gross, we can all be sticky and gross together.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Summertime is when you get to see the ladies in skimpy outfits. How can that be wrong?

Maybe you just need to get to the beach more often so you can enjoy these lovely beauties?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 1:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

the beach? fuck, try campus. women are easily the greatest upside to summer.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 1:34:00 PM  

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