Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Thunderstorm Bonus Feat: Smite Evil

Am I the only one who was terrified by yesterday's weather? I've never been all that scared of lightning before, but as I was walking to my car after work, it seemed very much as if God was pissed about something, and had decided to take it out on the general populace. When I first left my building, the sky was fairly cloudy, but the storm had yet to really arrive. However, moments later, as the winds quickly rose, and the clouds darkened, I suddenly felt an incredible sense of foreboding. It was as if there was some approaching malevolent force, like when Zuul arrives in Ghostbusters. If I had looked up and seen a giant marshmallow man, I don't think it would have surprised me. I was convinced that I was going to be struck down by God's vengeful hand before I made it to my vehicle, and every lighting strike and peal of thunder quickened my pace. As I jogged through the graveyard, mental images came unbidden of myself being hit by lightning and dropping dead right beside the British soldiers' memorial cairn. The sky finally opened up and the rain began to pour when I was still two blocks away, at which point I began running, for all the good it did in rain that heavy. I did finally manage to make it to the car in one uncooked piece, but that piece was thoroughly soaked.

I thought that I would feel safe once I made it to my vehicle, and I certainly felt safer, but a man can only feel so safe when he's convinced that his creator has decided to wipe his city off the face of the map. As I crossed the Princess Margaret bridge, the clouds were so dark and the rain was so thick that I couldn't see the river below (although I had a great view of the steady lightning in front of and on either side of me), and more water was pooling on the road surface than I thought physically possible. As I began to draw closer to home, a sight that I will never forget burned itself permanently into my consciousness, as, in the distance, directly in front of me, a perfectly straight bolt of white light shot down from very high up to strike the ground below. It was as if some divine spear had been thrust down from on high to smite the wicked. And then, just like that, it was over.

All at once, the rain and the lightning just stopped. The road beneath me was bone dry, and clearly had yet to see so much as a drop of rain. None of the cars that I met had their wipers on, and some even had their windows down. However, I knew that I was enjoying but a momentary respite, as the storm was at my back, still very much in force, and following me home. So, I drove the rest of the way home (which wasn't very far by that point) in eerie silence, and then battened down the hatches and tried my very best to ignore was I knew was to come. In this, I was quite successful, as I felt much safer in the comfort of my home, and loud television worked in conjunction with several window blinds to make sure that I could neither see nor hear nature's fury. Unfortunately, it would seem that nature doesn't much enjoy being ignored, as roughly an hour later there sounded a clap of thunder such as I have never heard, sufficient to shake the whole house violently and send me tumbling out of my chair with a yelp. It felt as if God had just decided to bitch-slap the front of my house and put a healthy fear of him into me.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, through the use of religious imagery to lend gravity and colour, is that yesterday's storm was an impressive sight to behold at its full fury, and I'm very glad that God decided that I wasn't evil enough to smite outright, and instead contented himself with scaring the fuck out of me.


Anonymous Aiden said...

Welost power for a bit. Of should i say everyone in the house besides me lost power (hugs his battery backup).

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 8:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Aiden said...

Stupid spelling mistakes...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 8:47:00 AM  
Blogger Stefan Robak said...

Welost... If we ever play D&D again, I have a new character name.

I personally love thunderstorms. The more insane the better, so long as there are survivors.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 10:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Man... were you not out on the day after Canada day? That storm was easily the most impressive and frightening thunderstorm I've ever seen. There were cloud to cloud bursts of chain lightening that filled the entire sky. Flashing every 2 or 3 seconds. I watched it come down river that night by the walking bridge and it was amazingly terrifying. There were funnel clouds further north.

The one the other day was pretty impressive too. I think we're setting a record for storms this year. That global warming stuff is astoundingly convincing. It'll only get more crazy. Did you know it doesn't snow on mount killamanjaro anymore? that's nuts. Also, I SO didn't spell it right.

Anyway, storms are awesome, just don't get hit.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Vern said...


Wednesday, July 12, 2006 3:16:00 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

I'm going to assume that you're talking to Mike, or else, huge wuss that I am, I'd have to go cry in a corner, I guess.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 4:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I think wuss was for you... I made much less of a deal about being afraid of them than you did. I'm not really afraid either... unless I'm out in really crazy ones.

Thursday, July 13, 2006 9:21:00 AM  

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