Friday, August 25, 2006

Get off my Bridge!

[Note: The following post contains a major Star Trek: Nemesis spoiler, but let's be honest here-- either you've already seen Star Trek: Nemesis, or you don't give a rat's ass. Still, you have been warned. Also, I guess that it contains a major Star Trek V spoiler as well, but absolutely noone should care about that, because that movie was AWFUL. Finally, bonus points to anyone who recognizes this post's title, which is easily my favorite Star Trek line ever.]

Well, I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to write about this week, so I'll content myself with a short post bitching about how disappointed I am by this, which Aiden brought to my attention earlier this week. As befits my social caste (read: nerd), I am a big Star Trek fan, and I'd been worried that there were not going to be any more Star Trek films. As it turns out, I was wrong, but I almost wish I hadn't been. It's as if someone asked me several months ago what the worst Star Trek movie I could think of would be like, and carefully took notes:

"Well, how about if you let Bill Shatner direct a masturbatory salute to Captain Kirk as he goes on a nonsensical quest to talk to God, who happens to be a giant stupid-looking alien? Oh, right, they already made that. Second-worst, you say? Hrmm. It would have to still be based on the original series, because fans are clamouring for a new Next Generation film. Also, it would have to prominently feature Captain Kirk, the most self-contradictory, least qualified starship captain ever. William Shatner is actually kind of enjoyable to watch these days, since he knows what a stupid character Kirk is and enjoys poking fun at him, so watching him and his gut get into fist-fights might be fun, which removes that as an option. How about if we keep the iconic character, but have him played by a different actor, which will be jarring and unpleasant? Maybe that smarmy guy from Good Will Hunting? He's a little young, though... *snaps fingers* I know! Let's make everyone teenagers, and make it a high school drama! Noone will like that! Oh, and let's put the guys who made the TV series Lost in charge of it, because I hate that show and JJ Abrams doesn't even like Star Trek."


So, yeah, that's exactly what's happened, although it's early enough along that none of it is set in stone just yet. Still, it's very unlikely that it will transform in the intervening time into the Next Generation film that I so desperately want. You can't just kill Data and then never follow it up. I need closure! CLOSURE! Paramount, PLEASE stop running this franchise into the ground! I BEG you!


Blogger Darcy Cameron said...

It's amazing how studios react to a movie like Nemesis underperforming at the box office. They take it as a sign that people must be tired of the series and it's time to start over fresh, which is STUPID!!! How about just making a better movie next time?! They give audiences no credit for being able to distinguish a good movie from a bad one. People will go see a good Star Trek movie. First Contact made $150 million. Just because Nemesis tanked doesn't mean people are burned out and want a fresh start. I for one won't stand for this. I will not sacrifice Captain Picard. We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

Friday, August 25, 2006 4:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Cavernio said...

Geebuz, let the dead the rest.

Friday, August 25, 2006 7:31:00 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!
Classic. That scene contains some more of my favorite Star Trek lines. It still gives me the chills whenever I see it (although not to the same degree as my post title, which is admittedly from less than five minutes earlier in the same movie). He just commands the screen. It's scenes like that that make me realize that if Patrick Stewart told me to kill a man, that guy is DEAD.

Friday, August 25, 2006 9:18:00 PM  
Blogger Stefan Robak said...

The Pitch: "It's American Pie with Borg"

Monday, August 28, 2006 11:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous (Vintage) said...

What about - "Star Trek - The Musical"?

Oh, and why was Worf still standing around when the captain came out of the ready room? Was he waiting for an apology? Change his mind about killing him? Come on, WTF?

Good line though.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006 1:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous(New & Improved) said...

Well why stop at the musical Vintage....why not midgets?...sometimes mini versions are a welcomed addition to any family....why not the Star Trek legacy....pun intended! HEAR YE HEAR YE! hahaha

Monday, September 11, 2006 12:41:00 PM  

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